I am awake for about sixteen hours every day. All this time my mind is engaged with something or other. There seems no alternative; it will anyway be engaged with something automatically whether I like it or not. If it is not engaged in work, pleasure, reading or day dreaming, it will get uneasy inviting some disturbing thoughts. That is why when there is nothing interesting for the mind to do it is called boredom. When one is bored, disturbing thoughts nag and push for entry into the mind.
Not having anything to do is not boredom. Having nothing interesting to do, or be engaged in, is boredom. Having nothing at all to do, nothing interesting or nothing uninteresting to be engaged in, can actually be a pleasant silence, a calm quietude. Interest in something keeps the mind occupied so as to avoid unwanted disturbances and uneasiness. If I keep the mind engaged in observing the mind itself, that is to say that if I am aware and attentive to the very movements of the mind, then, I am never bored. Slowly pleasant silence also quietly enters in.
Why the mind is normally engaged in something or other incessantly? There is no respite even for a moment unless one is asleep. Sometimes the thoughts are pleasant, other times compulsorily unpleasant. There are anxieties over anticipated pain. There are pleasures to look forward. Most of the time the mind is engaged with something in the present. And it gets absorbed in the incoming sense impressions. Why can’t the mind be still without being hooked on to senses or thoughts?
Is it because that is its intrinsic nature? Or is it because it is a habit acquired from birth? Or, is it to avoid things unpleasant and painful from coming in uninvited. I think it could be the last. Of course when it is engaged with known things pleasant or even unpleasant, no unknown fears can come in.
I find that in my case it is clearly to avoid the onslaught of fears or the fear that barges in as soon as the mind is empty. Can grace come in instead of fears if one cultivates some suitable habit? There is no time left!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
staying with emotions
When I am angry, I am anger. I stay with anger. I become aware of anger. Anger then loses it’s strength.
I am afraid. I am fear. I stay with fear. I am aware of fear. I perceive it and become bold enough to play with it. The fear fades and subsides.
If I stay with the mood, with the emotion, the emotion does not erupt into thoughts that reinforce the mood to sustain it. It is thought that helps the continuation of a mood or emotion.
But, if the mood is a pleasant one, like say, a feeling of elation, that also fades and vanishes on being aware of it. Naturally I want to retain the pleasant ones and avoid the unpleasant moods. The trick is to allow thoughts arising from pleasant emotions to go on. It has of course, the risk of allowing thoughts to become a habit, thereby bringing in unpleasant thoughts also by force of the habit. After all, mind is a complicated, intricate maze!
I am told by a friend that my Radio Talk on ‘Aging Gracefully’ was very good, and he congratulated me on that. I feel happy and elated. I stay with the happy mood and observe it. Slowly it starts fading. But if I go on thinking about it the elation gets continued for some more time. Even after it is completely faded, the happiness can be revived for small intervals by thinking about it. If it had been an unpleasant incident like a derogatory remark, I would have tried to avoid thinking about it, and failed in the attempt. The unpleasant emotions attached to derogatory remarks are much more powerful and do persist. Complete conscious awareness can however eliminate all of them. The mechanics of how emotions erupt are to be understood.
I have to be aware of the whole process working within me. If I allow the thoughts to erupt and continue without being aware or conscious of the process, then I am either being miserable or indulging in pleasure, as the case may be. In pleasure or misery, one is not consciously aware. But in pure joy, one is fully aware.
In sexual pleasure with an element of guilt, it is the lack of conscious awareness that makes it mechanical indulgence and not joy. In the union of love there is awareness and joy.
I am afraid. I am fear. I stay with fear. I am aware of fear. I perceive it and become bold enough to play with it. The fear fades and subsides.
If I stay with the mood, with the emotion, the emotion does not erupt into thoughts that reinforce the mood to sustain it. It is thought that helps the continuation of a mood or emotion.
But, if the mood is a pleasant one, like say, a feeling of elation, that also fades and vanishes on being aware of it. Naturally I want to retain the pleasant ones and avoid the unpleasant moods. The trick is to allow thoughts arising from pleasant emotions to go on. It has of course, the risk of allowing thoughts to become a habit, thereby bringing in unpleasant thoughts also by force of the habit. After all, mind is a complicated, intricate maze!
I am told by a friend that my Radio Talk on ‘Aging Gracefully’ was very good, and he congratulated me on that. I feel happy and elated. I stay with the happy mood and observe it. Slowly it starts fading. But if I go on thinking about it the elation gets continued for some more time. Even after it is completely faded, the happiness can be revived for small intervals by thinking about it. If it had been an unpleasant incident like a derogatory remark, I would have tried to avoid thinking about it, and failed in the attempt. The unpleasant emotions attached to derogatory remarks are much more powerful and do persist. Complete conscious awareness can however eliminate all of them. The mechanics of how emotions erupt are to be understood.
I have to be aware of the whole process working within me. If I allow the thoughts to erupt and continue without being aware or conscious of the process, then I am either being miserable or indulging in pleasure, as the case may be. In pleasure or misery, one is not consciously aware. But in pure joy, one is fully aware.
In sexual pleasure with an element of guilt, it is the lack of conscious awareness that makes it mechanical indulgence and not joy. In the union of love there is awareness and joy.
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