When the mind is deliberately kept empty, emotions enter it. And emotions convert themselves into thoughts. In my case the first emotion to enter is invariably fear, or an apprehension of coming fear.
The entry of fear has to be resisted, the mind decides, in order to maintain the mind empty. And that is a resistance which creates conflict or a sort of discomfort. Therefore a mind that is deliberately kept empty has no silence and is of no value. To remedy the situation I tried filling the mind with devotion, which substitutes any fear. The situation is then changed to one of peace and euphoria. But it does not seem to have any particular significance. Is that not equivalent to idling, seeking happiness?
I understand that any practice can give only the result expected of that practice. What I can do is only to be aware of the utter need to have a free, empty, silent mind, -not make it deliberately empty. And wait and be aware passively of what happens within the mind.
* * * * * * *
Now let me see what happens in a free open mind. The mind is free, open, placid with no particular thought just now. I can feel fear attempting to come in. It is ignored. Many images and words enter and go away. Then the present enters the mental space. The sound of the fan rotating accompanied with its image, the birds chirping with some vague forms of birds because I don’t know which bird it is, the sound of running bus, a dog barking etc appear and go. Mind’s running commentary enters. But that goes away when it is recognized as unwanted. Yet it comes again without warning. Past memories start coming. But as the idea is only to watch, they are just recognized and ignored. I do not go along with any memory in a stream of thought. (Only if I am unaware my mind goes along with the past forgetting everything else) Thoughts erupt and subside. Hundreds and thousands of thoughts lurk by the side waiting for an opportunity to enter the mental space. There is of course a vast endless space for all to come in. But when one is in and the mind goes with it, there is no more any further space left.
But nothing unknown, nothing absolutely new, does appear. Even some bizarre unfamiliar things seen at times are nothing but strange interpolations and combinations of known things, as in a dream.
I notice that when one is fully aware of the thoughts, images and emotions as they enter the space, the mind can become silent with no disturbance. The river of thoughts may be flowing quietly outside.
* * * * * * *
Change the perspective: man’s difference:
Nobody can deny that Man is part of Mother Nature. A tree grows and dies. An animal grows and dies. Man grows and dies. Why do we think that man is different? Just because he has the capacity to think differently? The difference should be taken only as a play of Nature, not any more profound than the difference between a cat and a dog.
The attempt of man’s mind to find some power behind the phenomena of life may be only a futile foolishness. There may be nothing; there is nothing. There is only what we see around and what is left to be seen around. And that itself may be the Truth. But the same thing can be seen differently. The perspective can change. The way of looking can differ.
In his anguish man finds or creates some external power to rely on for solace, - a temporary relief and ultimately collapse. May be he is destined to live and die like any other animal. But he is also made to wonder about life and existence. That is the only difference. And that is a wonderful difference in the sense that it can, if intensely desired, make him change his perspective!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
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