moods, thoughts and agitations

At a given time, the mind is filled with a non-stop stream of thought on the particular subject agitating it at the present moment. The subject conforms to the mood. The mood may be the creation of the subject, or the subject may be the choice of the mood. The stream of thought is broken only by another stream stronger than the one agitating. But then the first one is only kept aside temporarily, to be taken up later. It remains by the side, still not exhausted. Every thought stream, umpteen of them likewise, lurk by the side, waiting to be taken up in the future. What more do one need to have a restless mind? Often some are pushed to the sub-conscious. They remain there incomplete to nag the present.
Those agitations that have found solutions successfully also come back often because the success is pleasant and enjoyable. One can live in a happy stream of thought, enjoying it for hours together, until interfered by a disturbing thought waiting by the side, or a new sense signal of an event in the present. So many thoughts wait by the side throughout the waking state, ready to pounce upon, showing their face every now and then, even when one is preoccupied with one stream of thought. I don’t know whether this is so for everybody. I am stating my personal experience.
The mind can become still only when you exhaust all the residues of the streams of thoughts completely by understanding them fully. One has to perceive them fully as they are. This understanding is not by analyzing the thoughts or the subject of the thoughts. It is by seeing, perceiving them straight and observing the underlying emotions from which they erupt. The seeing of it is instant and does not take time.

Direct perception of the streams of thoughts as they arise bestows complete ‘knowledge’ of them, and that destroys the agitations, the mental residue of past events and actions. The thoughts do not come back unless deliberately invited. The mind is then free to be silent

nagging uncompleted tasks

Uncompleted tasks always nag. They lurk behind the present engagements. They lie and wait by the side for attention. And they threaten one with consequences.
Things not done and remaining to be done linger in my mind. Residues, pleasant and unpleasant, of things already done also linger in my mind, and come up floating to the surface every now and then.
Fear of something misfiring or bursting suddenly, lurks and nag.
These generate restlessness.
Restlessness aggravates bodily discomforts.
Discomforts in turn bring up the unaccomplished tasks to the surface and aggravate the restlessness.
Residues of things done not so satisfactorily also nag.
Where is the escape from restlessness when one can’t complete everything one is obliged to?
Eighty-one years of storage is there in my memory – rather heavy. And there is also the built-in memory acquired by birth. And the possibility of some memory in the server in outer space can not also be ruled out.
At a given moment in the present, all these memories try to come up to the surface waiting for an opportunity of a right mood suiting them to come up. If one which is about to surface is suppressed or kept aside for the time being, another, more powerful, gets the upper hand and starts running in my mind. The active mind can thus be never empty. But if I am fully conscious of the comings, goings, and other operations within the mind, I am able to be free of the movements at least for the time being. Then, in spite of any activity in the mind, I am able to ignore all of them to look deeper for anything new underneath or beyond. One can look in the background for anything never seen or experienced before.
But I have not come across anything significant or spectacular so far. It is disappointing, but the journey is interesting. Thought has to be silent, most of the masters say. Can the mind be that silent?
How true, ‘only thought one is addicted to in old age, not Truth’, said the sage!