Medicine for Anger
I am angry. I am angry with him. But I don’t want to be angry. He has always been a nice well behaved youngster. I gave him money because I had absolute trust in him and because I had some spare cash at the moment. I did not even expect it back. Let it go if it becomes useful to him, I thought. But he had said that he wanted it only for fifteen or twenty days to tide over a delay in collection of his own dues. It is now one month and he has neither turned up nor contacted over phone. May be he is in some difficulty, I don’t know. His mobile phone is dead. And, after he shifted his room the land line is not yet in place. I am getting angry with him more for not contacting me, more for not behaving as I expected him to do, than for not returning the loan. After all, had I not written it off even while I gave it? Yet I am getting more and more angrier. I don’t want to be angry.
Streams of thought about him and the loan persist in my mind and reinforce the anger more and more as I try to ward off the anger. And the anger, nagging and exerting itself, generates more thoughts about him and about the incident. Why can’t the anger subside, writing off the loan from my mind? How can I make another behave as I expected? That would be impossible. I can’t change others. I must change myself. I should not have the anger bothering me. I can not always nurture a resentment or ill will in me if he does not at all repay the loan. Why should feelings of goodwill that got built up in the course of a few years be lost in one incident? Again thoughts persist. It is because once the angry mood is triggered in the mind, it remains for quite some time. It does not go away. Out of control thoughts arising from the mood takes it up making it stronger and stronger.
Suppressing the thoughts does not help so long as the source, the problem, is not resolved.
How to get rid of the mood itself? And thereby, the anger?
The entire thing got abruptly solved and dissolved when he rang up to say that he is coming to see me right now, coolly apologizing for the delay.
All the thoughts, the anger, the resentment, the speculations and anxiety were unnecessary! And they disappeared in a jiffy! Feelings of goodwill reappeared instantly!
But the question still remains, how to get rid of anger?
Will some medicine help?
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1 comment:
I was surprised to find such a blog, and that too someone of your age. Thanks goes to Mr. K.K.Kutty.
And about your posts (three of which I could read now,rest I kept it for later reading)they surprise me with its sincere, lucid and depth observations, despite being about such normal and ordinary things.
But the thing I am surprised much is that a person like you still keep abreast of these latest communicative methods as blog and use it so objectively. A salute to you sir, for this. We, from the comparatively younger generation envy you. 80 years, and still trying a hand in blogging and that too with such a balanced approach.
And regarding our expectation of others to behave as we do to them,I remember reading somewhere that we can expect that only infront of mirrors. Right?
Keep writing sir, at least to make us too going..
Regards
Rajeeve Chelanat
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