The Source

It is somewhere there within. I mean the source from which everything including my awareness emanates. But it is too subtle and evasive to locate or to perceive, or to feel. It eludes grasp.
The problem is perhaps that I expect it to be somewhere inside the brain. And the tradition says that it is in the heart like a flame shining ever steady. Heart represents Love. Does it mean Love has to fill the heart and the head? But Love, as I understand, is still an emotion, perhaps a result of the presence of the source, and not the source itself.

The source may be somewhere in the body/mind/intellect system, or even anywhere out side it, or even in another dimension altogether!

mood, food, and genes

My thoughts come from my mood
Pleasant mood create pleasant thoughts.
Uneasy mood generate uncomfortable thoughts.
Mood comes from food.
Mood comes from food filtered through my genes.
I am the only one who can feel my genes, if at all.
No nutritioner can feel my genes.
I myself have to find the food that creates good mood in me.
I will better have my own food.

* * * * * * *
Right advice:
They always advised.
They advised that,
I should have the right food,
I should have the right breathing,
I should have the right thinking,
I should have the right control of the senses,
I should have devotion to the right divinity.
And they knew what was right.

I swallowed and followed
I ate the food they said was right,
I breathed the way they said I should,
I thought the way they said was right,
I controlled the senses, as they prescribed,
I went devotional as they instructed,
But nothing went right.

The hard way I found out that their advice was traditional.
It was never their experience.

But alas, they were sincere and correct.
I find from my own experience,
That I must have the right food,
That I must have the right thinking,
I must have the right control of senses,
I should have the right devotion,
And I should find out what is right for me, myself.

pure awareness continued

I can now feel the alert awareness or the attentive awareness while awake, and the part awareness in the dream state. And I know also about the dormant awareness while in deep sleep, at least by the feelings I sense at the point of falling into sleep and at the point of waking up.
As I understand it, the body with its alert, attentive nervous system and senses is just equipment powered by ‘pure awareness’, or by whatever other name by which one may call the ultimate source that powers my body and mind. I stop at my body and mind, and do not go up to the ‘other’ and the universe because everything outside my immediate existence is only part of my mind. But for my mind they can not exist for me.
This pure awareness is not withdrawn from me in sleep. Only the equipment is at rest with minimal awareness necessary to sustain the body. But in death the equipment, the body perishes and is no more functional. Is the power, the awareness just cut off like when electricity is cut off from fridge, TV, or the bulb in disrepair? Yes. It appears so. Therefore, while still alive, I have to feel that power within that pulsates, that creates awareness in my system. The window through which to look can only be the awareness within me, my own awareness. But can the fridge feel the current that powers it?
MY AWARENESS HAS TO BE AWARE OF ‘PURE AWARENESS’.
That is perhaps the only way by which I can feel the ultimate reality.

pure awareness or pure consciousness

From the time I started reading spiritual books in English after college, I have been reading and hearing the words ‘pure consciousness’ and pure awareness’ too often, but never doubted what the words meant, accepting the obvious meaning that came to my mind, without an iota of doubt. But now I am confused.
Of course I know that I am aware of something. But do I know any awareness without that something? The legendary smile without a cat?(apologies to Louis Carroll). Can awareness stand independent of the thing I am aware of? I don’t find it possible. I can be aware of nothing in particular. That would mean that I am aware of everything in an expansive way, in an expansive mood.
When I close my eyes I am not aware of any impression of things in the outside world that may be approaching me towards my eyes. But the blank screen, the colourful screen before my closed eyes, I am aware of. And I am aware of all the noises, the touch of the breeze from the fan, etc. And I am also aware of all things that can come out of my memory. But if I do not divert my attention towards any of them I may not be aware of them at the particular moment. In any particular moment my attention stays with some object of which I am at that time aware of. And what is that attention? I notice that it is focused awareness.
If the body and mind is in alert attention throughout, can you say that it is in pure awareness? Then the nervous system as a whole is awake and alert. No thought is present in the mind. Can you call it pure awareness?. I don’t think so. The state is something temporary, and limited to the body and mind. Then what is the nature of pure awareness? It must be something behind the alertness, making the alertness possible. It must be the one which illumines me- makes me tick, pulsate - and all that around me up to all space. Is that right?
Throughout the waking state attention is every moment on something or other. I therefore find that awareness and attention are existent along with the object of awareness. Therefore, ‘pure awareness’ or pure consciousness is something other than awareness, perhaps the power that makes awareness possible. A new word has to be coined. Existing words have other meanings and may be misunderstood and ‘misused’.
Another question is what happens in deep sleep when there are no object present? Awareness of ‘nothing? Where lays pure awareness then? Keeps the body alive? Why not try to ‘feel’ the awareness in sleep? That can perhaps solve the problem. Is +80 too late to try?

murmuring mind - the Broca's Area?

I had been chanting a mantra in my childhood 'to acquire knowledge and learning'. But as I grew up I abandoned it for several reasons, not realizing its importance, and because it was 'inconvenient' in the hostels of the colleges where I studied. Although I felt guilty later I could not revive it becase I had forgotten parts of the essential preliminaries. Now I find that mantra sounds can be effectively used to calm the mind as well as to create a mood of reverence and devotion.
I sit in the easy posture and close my eyes. The sight is cut off. I am able to bye-pass the mental images and the incoming sounds by being attentive to their comings and goings. I am able to ignore them.
But the part of the mind that controls speech is murmuring. It is a chatter-box giving a continuous running commentary. The ‘Broca’s Area’in the brain is a restless child. I try to calm him down with a toy to play with. The toy is a sound or a word, say a ‘mantra’. The mind goes on repeating it instead of indulging in running commentary or murmur. The sound or word has particular significance to me in so far as it is sacred for me, given to me by my father, and attributed to be created by a great Rishi. It creates a mood of reverence and devotion.
That part of my mind is thus continuously engaged. The attentive awareness is now left free to witness the goings on in the mind. Drowsiness attempts to creep in. Alertness resists it. Any resistance is conflict. It interferes with calmness. Something interesting, something new has to pop up in the mind to ward off boredom. Memories are ever ready to come up. But I don’t want them. They create nuisance. Then what, what can be new? Look more keenly and wait?