drinks, dullness and Truth

I am having ‘a small’. Small as you know, is a term in these parts to refer to a small doze of alcohol. I am having it all alone without company. Is it all right or bad? I don’t know. They say it is always bad, ‘injurious to health’. But doctors are divided. Authoritative medical opinion says that up to forty ml a day is actually good for old people to help circulation. The tonics, Arishtams in Ayurveda system of Medicines, always contain alcohol. But spiritual practitioners, - not spirit practitioners, of course, - say, no, it is never alright unless one is after certain undesirable ‘tantric powers’. I am not after any ‘power’. I just want to know the Truth, the secret behind this life on earth. And drinking is supposed to be bad for finding the truth.
Why? Because drinking dulls the mind. Does it? May not, if it is within limits. Some drugs like ‘Soma’ is supposed make mind more alert and happy. I might not have been able to write this if the drink made my mind dull. The great poet Exhuthacchan would not have been able to write the epic Ramayana in Malayalam unless he had his quota of Toddy. Mind has to be, for sure, alert to think, to know, and to apprehend truth. Has one drink dulled my mind, and reduced my capacity to feel? Perhaps it has. May be while in it I cannot know.
But I do feel fully aware. If one drink can take away one’s mind, or dull it, what place it has in apprehending Truth? Truth cannot be dependant on a transient, impermanent, and fickle mind. So, logically the mind can go to hell, and still the truth can prevail! The awareness is still there without the nuisance of the mind.
Then who apprehends or realizes the Truth? If ‘I’ am not there, and my ego is not there, if the mind is not there, then who feels the truth? The awareness? That means when one realizes, the awareness is aware of the awareness; that is all. What is that to me? Why should I care a hoot? When the feeling of ‘I’ is not there, it is as good as I am dead. Then realization will have no meaning. The whole thing is a futile exercise.
So, ‘I’ have to be there, to feel, to apprehend, to realize the Truth when the time for it comes. Eliminating the ‘I’, or the fictitious ego is therefore utter nonsense. If I have to realize, I have to be there. It is a paradox, an enigma. Any answer?
For the drunken question here, are you asking me find an answer ‘off drinks’?