Often suddenly at night, my heart pounds away very fast without warning, and wakes me up from sleep. Strangely, I can hear my heart hammering off far away as if from a forge mill a kilometer away. Then I put in half a pill of Sorbitrate under my tongue to bring down my heart beat, spit it out after half a minute, and then go back to sleep not bothering to worry any more about it.
But who beats my heart so fast? I know I don’t do it. Then who, what? I am not aware from where the instructions are sent to my heart to beat fast. In sleep I am not even conscious enough to do it even if it will follow my bidding. Of course there is nothing strange or funny. I put food into my stomach, and the digestion just happens. I am not consciously aware how. Even a simple thing like the growth of a nail of mine I am not aware of. But awareness itself is very much there ready to be aware of anything, and I can clearly feel the awareness except when I am in deep sleep.
All these are apparently part of the phenomenon of Life, and it is meant to be so. Things are deliberately hidden from me for some secret purpose. I am therefore inclined to believe that even my wondering about the source of this life and my efforts to apprehend the secret is part of this inscrutable purpose. Will it not be foolish to continue my probe, the futile effort? Yet, I can’t stop, there is no time left. Everything may disappear when I wake up from the dream.
* * * * * * *
Past fact is fiction
Once an event has happened, the happening has become history. It is his-story, the viewer’s story. What is said to be a fact therefore depend on the perception of each viewer. It comes from individual impressions. Its reliability can be questioned.
All facts are therefore in a way, fiction. Real fact is always something else other than the view of each.
No comments:
Post a Comment