Sunday, September 7, 2008

mental blocks, dormand disturbances

As an experiment to find out what could be the result, I do sometimes manage to keep my mind empty with no thought present. I notice then that the thoughts are laying dormant underneath in the subconscious although I don’t know what thoughts. Yet the mind as a whole is alert and attentive. Still, the mind is blank, and remains a clean slate with nothing interesting happening.
Unless some past memory, or projected future, surfaces with clarity, what is the point in keeping the mind quiet?
The reason for the blank mind is some mental block. My mind has developed a tendency not to allow thoughts to come up because any thought that come up of its own may be disturbing. And I have also a lingering belief that it is necessary to keep the mind free of thoughts for effectiveness of meditation. As a result nothing surfaces from the blank mind. The blockage has to be therefore broken. But not deliberately. Any compulsion is again the block. It has somehow to get broken of its own accord.
But even the blank mind has its value. When the mind is silent, I see myself, that is, I am aware of my ego or what I call my own image of myself, as an entity which is entirely fictitious. But it is a useful entity, and there is no need to get rid of it. Can I see something past it, something beyond? Or is there nothing beyond?

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