Awareness and soul

* * * * * * * * * *

Suddenly it dawns on me that I am an organized bundle of agitations, agitations in a pool of calm, peaceful ocean of awareness. Awareness as such with no agitations or disturbances has only ‘nothing’ to be aware of. But when agitation happens awareness is aware of the agitations, the bundle of which I am. The entire creation perhaps happens that way. Or is it that the agitations themselves are creations of the awareness?

* * * * * * * * * *

As I open the door early today morning and step out to my courtyard, the sun is already up, it’s rays playing beautifully on the fresh green leaves and the pink and blue flowers. The colours are unusually brilliant. The shining broad leaves of the anthurium are throwing out emerald rays brightening up the pink of their flowers. In the background of the creepers, fanning coconut leaves, the scene is enchantingly beautiful. Is the beauty really in the scene, or in my mind and mood?
Clearly there is a pure awareness free of thoughts and emotions within my body, which illumines my thoughts and emotions as well as the scene outside.. When I am asleep what happens? Awareness is apparently still there with nothing to be aware of. Gopi was lying inertly unconscious in the ICU in a hospital in Calicut. Was he still aware? If so, was he aware of ‘nothing’? What does such awareness mean? Awareness in such cases illumines ignorance? Soman in his house in Calicut does not remember a lot of his past, and what he remembers is all mixed up. He can’t also hear properly. He is also ‘aware’. What does that awareness mean and how does it contrast with Gopi’s awareness? One may conclude that pure awareness is awareness without an object to be aware of.
But the awareness is clearly not there when a person is dead. That is to say, there is no awareness as an organism when the organism is dead.. There may still be rudimentary awareness in each disintegrated substance with which the body was once constituted. Because the person is not aware when he is dead, awareness cannot be the soul, if there is something that is called a ‘soul’. The soul, if it is subtler than awareness it can only be the power that makes the awareness possible. I have read somewhere recently that soul is the entity constituted by the mind, intellect and the ego, which survives the body. But where is it when we are in deep sleep? Soul is a confused word, much abused and used indiscriminately, and therefore better avoided. I am inclined to leave the soul alone till I can feel it within myself sometime.
May be, awareness itself is what makes awareness possible?